After my friend, Joe Shymanski’s memorial service this past September, I found a bit of comfort one morning writing about one of his favorite poems, Desiderata.
A handful of weeks later, I’m seeking comfort in the same way after my Father’s passing on November 20th, 2023. It’s been a rough fall grieving both of these men who lived exemplary lives in their own unique ways — ways that countered “toxic masculinity” (i.e., an attitude or set of social guidelines stereotypically associated with manliness that often have a negative impact on men, women, and society in general.)
My Dad was President of the Sigma Alpha Epsilon Chapter at Indiana University, and always carried in his wallet a copy of SAE’s creed “The True Gentleman” by John Walter Wayland. As was the case with Desiderata, I read The True Gentleman so many times since my Dad’s passing it’s started running in my head like a tape on continuous loop. Seeking the same bit of comfort provided from the reflections of Joe and Desiderata, I captured the interdependent pairs (aka “polarities”) and combined at the end in the “multarity” (an interdependency of more than two).This post, together and Joe’s Desiderata both serve as “toxic masculinity antidotes” and I will strive to honor how my father, Willard C. Kayser, Jr., lived in the power of The True Gentleman.
The True Gentleman, Through a Polarity Lens
The True Gentleman is the man whose conduct proceeds from good will and an acute sense of propriety, and whose self-control is equal to all emergencies;
Conscious Reflection And Considered Action
Who does not make the poor man conscious of his poverty, the obscure man of his obscurity, or any man of his inferiority or deformity; Who is himself humbled if necessity compels him to humble another; Who does not flatter wealth, cringe before power, or boast of his own possessions or achievements; who speaks with frankness but always with sincerity and sympathy;
Being Confident And Being Humble
whose deed follows his word;
Word And Deed
who thinks of the rights and feelings of others, rather than his own; and who appears well in any company,
Self-assurance And Social Justice
A man with whom honor is sacred and virtue safe.
Grounded in Honor And Virtuous in Action
The True Gentleman Multarity
Conscious Reflection And Considered Action
Being Confident And Being Humble
Word And Deed
Self-assurance And Social Justice
Grounded in Honor And Virtuous in Action
