On November 18, 2018 Judith Glaser died from pancreatic cancer. She was a lifetime student of human behavior, organizational anthropologist, corporate consultant, executive coach, and best-selling business author. I thought of her and her great work recently when, while intending to hold a family member accountable for a social media post I believed was offensive, was called out for being offensive by two other family members who came to her defense texting, “You went too far.” I realized my words had broken rapport, reduced our family bond, and undermined our trust connection. I took the post down. The impact of my poor CI had undermined my intent. CI isn’t intended to persuade or bring someone over to what or how you think, rather it is:
–an individual, team, and organizational ability to communicate in ways that create a shared concept of reality;
— a hardwired human ability (demonstrated more or less well) to connect, engage, and navigate with others; and,
— a “we-based” skill that is learned and developed in collaboration.
Essentially, it’s about building trust by being open to learning and applying effective conversational rituals that promote partnership. I love that CI integrates insights from neuroscience into the framework, and that it’s based on …. you knew it was coming – a three polarity CI *multarity:
Level 1, Transactional: Tell and Ask
Level 2, Positional: Advocate and Inquire
Level 3, Transformational: Share and Discover
Yup. I went too far on the Tell, Advocate, and Share poles without the Ask, Inquire, and Discover poles — and got caught in some downsides. My intended purpose was to not collude, be complicit, or to enable by being silent. I had a need to express truths I hold that are rooted in deeply held spiritual traditions, democratic values, and continual strive to lead by example — morally and ethically. I’ve been working to practice better Action Steps for these three polarities as part of a “CI social media multarity leveraging strategy.” Speaking my truth and leveraging CI polarities is — well it’s really damned hard to get right. And, in the coming months I suspect it won’t get any easier. It does help to remember the greater purpose Judith had for her work, which was: to help leaders or future leaders build sensitivity for words used and conversations they have with each other. I’m grateful for her work to develop CI to make things easier and better — or at least when it’s used early and often enough. Below are five CI traps Glaser identified, a few of which I may have “oops-ed” more than once on social media:
1) Ignoring Other Perspectives
2) Fixation on “Being Right”
3) Tell-Sell-Yell
4) Allowing Emotions to Affect Listening
5) Disengaged Listeners
I have developed a Polarity Assessment to measure performance based on CI principles. If you are interested in putting it to use for your personal development, team development, or organization development — please feel free to reach out (cliff@polaritypartnerships.com). I plan on assessing myself regularly on the CI multarity in the lead-up to the 2020 election.
* Is an interdependency of more than two.
