A few days ago, a friend, who is also an Executive Coach, talked me off the ledge when I shared how frustrated I was about what’s happening in America, and the world. A few days later I received a book in the mail: “Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me): Why We Justify Foolish Beliefs, Bad Decisions, and Hurtful Acts” with kind note from her that said, “This book helped me, and I hope it helps you.”

This Cliff’s NOTE is a thanks to that friend/colleague and shout out to authors Carol Tavris and Elliot Aronson who explain the unexplainable. However, in the interest of FULL DISCLOSURE I will issue a disclaimer that while a helpful portion of soul food, it won’t fully satisfy you if you’re “on the ledge” concerning the unnecessary suffering and cruelty that accompany out current state of affairs.

It reminded me of an excellent podcast I heard years ago about an “end times cult” that doubled-down when the “end time” they’d predicted came and went – over and over again…This social psychology phenomenon is well-established and apparently, easily forgotten to the detriment of my own personal emotional well-being.  So, it is “helpful” to shed light on tenets that underpin how people can contort themselves in their maintenance of a positive self-image and rationalize actions and beliefs in the face of mountains of contrary evidence. Written in 2007 there’s a salt-in-the-wound prophesy dimension that nevertheless offers therapeutically benefit by confronts brutal facts of currebt realities based solidly in the social sciences.

Here’s the Conceptual Trifecta:

  1. Cognitive Dissonance: Cognitive dissonance (refers to the discomfort experienced when holding two conflicting cognitions) alleviates discomfort by finding creative ways to justify actions. Ever-so-slight (in their perception) “tweaks-to-beliefs.” (This theory was first developed by Festinger, and Aronson expands on it). This was useful for me when considering strong diagonal points of view in a polarity. For example, why might a person double-down on Inhaling as a solution to the tension between Inhale and Exhale? Their extreme fear of a lack of oxygen. The reverse also being “true” – the person who doubles-down on Exhaling as a solution does so because of their extreme fear of too much carbon dioxide. Both hold an objective “truth” – but neither truth is complete. We need to Both Inhale And Exhale to maintain life.
  2. Self-Justification: Create narratives that absolve responsibility — rationalizing mistakes or unethical behaviors in a process to preserve self-esteem – thereby maintaining a view of themselves as competent and moral.
  3. Confirmation Bias: Once a belief is formed, people tend to seek out only the information that supports it while dismissing or ignoring contradictory evidence. (See #1, above.)

One doesn’t need to think too long or hard about how AI’s influence on social media in the last decade + reinforces these biases and exacerbates existing belief systems that lead to hyper-escalation of erroneous decisions and the inevitable double-downing on the commitments to them. The book offers great examples (legal, personal relationships, and memory distortions), but none better than what American political dramas are offering-up on an daily/hourly basis IMHO.

Here’s the (too little too late) Trifecta of Implications:

  1. Personal Growth: Recognize personal biases and the tendency to justify mistakes as crucial to personal development and fostering healthier relationships.
  2. Professional Practices: In fields like medicine, law, and politics, awareness of self-justification can lead to more ethical decision-making and accountability.
  3. Societal Impact: Understanding these psychological mechanisms can help address systemic issues, such as institutional racism or corporate malfeasance, by acknowledging and correcting entrenched justifications.